“…it keeps no record of wrongs…” I Corinthians 13:5
How is it that love can keep no record o f wrong? We have brains! They are portable super computers with plenty of RAM and a hard drive which is thought by scientist to only be using about 10%. We have feelings, and our brains store events and details effortlessly, but we are informed that Love “keeps no record of wrong…”
We do know that relationships have history. And history is a collection of past events. This means, there is a running record of past actions and reactions! But Love “…keeps no record of wrongs…”
Why didn’t God say Love keeps some record of wrong? It seems unreasonable to expect anyone with standard memory (not even photographic memory) not to remember what has happened in a relationship. Our minds, automatically, keep a running tab of every action. And while some actions are easy to forget, other actions, particularly “wrong actions” might be challenging to forget and not easy to overlook.
Forgiving is significantly easier than forgetting.
It’s one thing to deal with emotions, deal with the sting of hurt or betrayal, but to exist without a list seems impossible. The memory of what occurs will always exist! After all, it’s a wrong!!!
Still, God says, Love “…keeps no record of wrong…”. When one is in love, somehow, one gets the power to either 1. Focus on the Right and Ignore Wrongs 2. Break all Sharpies and Pens, and List wrongs in Pencil.
- FOCUS ON RIGHT; IGNORE WRONG
When one chooses to focus on right, their focus is on the deposits the person makes in the relationship. It’s the 80% 20% rule. Those that choose to focus on the 80% will survive, while those who are poisoned by the 20% will be consumed by its venom. It is not that wrongs aren’t committed, but that the person chooses not to allow them to overshadow the power and commitment demonstrated from the good acts.
2. List Wrongs in Pencil
When one chooses to list wrongs in pencil, they keep the eraser handy. They acknowledge that a wrong has been committed, but are both eager and willing to erase the wrong committed. To this person, the sharpie doesn’t exist, and the pen is not an option. This person wants to restore peace and balance, and is eager to work on rebuilding trust.
How do you handle mistakes?
This is a great question, in that the way we “handle our own mistakes” is often different from the way we “handle the mistakes of others.” Somehow, we can always find a reason to justify being forgiven and trusted when we commit errors the same error that we want others to eternally suffer for.
Relationship can survive offenses,
but can not survive un-forgiveness.
The one offended is trusted with the responsibility to restore the relationship. They must decide how to handle the offender, and set the parameters for restoring trust in the relationship. This is where it gets interesting. The one who has honored the covenant finds themselves in a position that could restore balance to the relationship through forgiveness, or extend the brokenness, by not forgiving. This hurt and anger does not restore balance to the relationship, rather is shifts the balance to the side of the offended, continuing to punish the offender, causing more hurt and distance to occur. Again, relationship can survive offenses, but they can not survive un-forgiveness.
Forgiveness erases the record, while un-forgiveness maintains the record. In discussions with couples, we have found that this continues to be a charactersitic of those that struggle. We can not dwell in the past. We must use the past to build a future. The good and the bad serve as building blocks. They both have the potential to strengthen couples. As long as we keep God as our focus, we can see ourselves with sober judgement, and continue to treat each other with the compassion and grace that maintains our covenant with out Creator.
#TQAYMYM #PastorJDO3 #DrQDO